


what i need (is for you to be sure)

by celestialr0se



Category: Dare Me (TV 2019), Dare Me - Megan Abbott
Genre: Angst, Best Friends to Lovers, F/F, OR IS IT, One Shot, Repressed Feelings, Senior year, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, Unrequited Love, addy x beth, addy/beth, beth wants to fight her throughout probs the whole fic, beth x addy, beth yearning for addy, beth/addy, drug experience, mentions of almost sexual assault, riri is hilarious, yes they share a bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:27:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24100555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestialr0se/pseuds/celestialr0se
Summary: All it simply takes for Beth to see through the things Addy says is to carefully look inside Addy's eyes. That's where Beth finds that she wasn't the only one repressing her feelings.That maybe it wasn't all one sided after all this time.orbest friends to lovers au oneshot.
Relationships: Beth Cassidy/Addy Hanlon
Comments: 33
Kudos: 146





	what i need (is for you to be sure)

**Author's Note:**

> they might have cancelled dare me but you know what they can't take away from us gays???? fanfiction.
> 
> **opening quote is vital to the story // title is dedicated to what i need by hayley kiyoko

_“I will pretend that I don’t know of your sins until you are ready to confess but all the time, I’ll know. I’ll know. And you can use my skin to bury your secrets in and I will settle you down. And at my own suggestion, I will ask no questions while I do my thing in the background but all the time, I’ll know.” - Fiona Apple_

Bent beer cans clenched in the grips of teenagers with music playing so loudly that you would have to be yelling at the top of your lungs to get a single word out for the other person to even be able to make out the words you want say. _Tinnitus starts early,_ Beth thinks to herself. 

It was the last party of the summer and in functions like this, there is a mixture of cliques from multiple schools into one. It’s the best way to get acquainted, share social medias, and to top it off, it was also a match to ignite high school drama, because who doesn’t like to start shit? 

She sits on the kitchen counter top and observes the football boys trying to impress popular rich-no-brainer girls by using their arms to form some shitty story on how they _almost_ won the game that could have taken them to playoffs last year. And those girls loved that shit or maybe they loved the package they were dealing with for a night that displayed right in front of them

Now to Beth, making new friends was an extreme waste of energy especially approaching their senior year. Just being around her top girls and alcohol was enough for her to enjoy the party. 

_Almost_ enough is what she is quick to think when she realizes that her lieutenant was not by her side. 

In her current state, she was incredibly numb because right before entering the party, they pregamed a little too hard at the parking lot. Riri had egged her on a battle of who could take the most shots back to back from the bottle and of course the girl loses. Beth had just finished her eighth shot in a row while Riri almost puked at the fifth one. Addy on the other hand decided to take it slow and get shit-faced at the party. _But where are you now, Addy?_

No matter how deep her state of mind fell to the toxins of those eight straight tequila shots and the high coming to her from the joint she just sparked up, she became only focused on finding _Addy._

“Another shot, Cassidy?” Riri shouts over the music and holds up the patron bottle in question. They’re only an arm apart.

Patron. It’s her favorite deceitful drink because it perceived exactly like water and at this point, it was already tasting like it. Still, there’s no hesitation when she reaches for the bottle and takes the lovely poison out of Riri’s offering hand.

One shot becomes two and Riri salutes Beth for her high tolerance. “Queen B, on and off the mat,” Riri jested before taking another swig from the bottle.

She doesn’t know how long she’s been staring into the crowd of the party but Riri catches onto her scoping eyes. 

“Are you looking for your partner in crime?” Riri asks as she slices through limes, getting ready for the next shot. 

“Yeah, where did she go?” She takes a lime and bites down on it before taking a sip from the bottle.

“Did you forget already? She saw that you were cold and went to get your sweater from the car.” Riri takes the bottle back and waterfalls at least what’s considered to be two shots. _Say RIP to our livers tonight,_ Beth thinks. 

“She did? That must have been at least an hour ago,” She furrows her eyebrows and looks at the door. 

“Beth, it was _literally_ five minutes ago.” Riri corrected but Beth was busy concentrating on who was walking in and out the door to respond. 

Then she sees someone moving through the crowd and towards the kitchen. Time feels different when Beth is this far gone but she remembers in the moment now how Addy took her keys and walked off to the car. When her blurred vision of the figure became clearer, her drunken lips spread from cheek to cheek. It was Addy wearing her cheer jacket unzipped halfway with her sleeves shrugged down her arms, exposing her shoulders. 

“God, I swear you hate the world less when you see Addy,” Riri chuckles, “Such a hard-on you have, it’s like you’re in love with her.” Riri continues teases and elbows her side.

“Shut up, miss new dick every weekend,” She hisses back at Riri and laughs as she opens her arms for her jacket. _In love with Addy?_ That’s hilarious. Addy Hanlon means the world to her because she was her best friend.

Addy walks in closer to them before tossing the jacket over. “What did I miss, drunkies?” Addy asks while she picks up a one of the chopped limes sitting on the cutting board.

“ _You_ need to catch up!” Beth exclaims, happily drunk. She turns her body and steals a brand new bottle of tequila that was just sitting near her along with dozens of other alcohol bottles. 

She glances down at the lime that’s now rested between Addy’s sober lips before drunkenly shoving the bottle in Addy’s hands.

Even with the room spinning, she could meticulously stare at every inch of her best friend’s face and she wouldn’t get bored..maybe being drunk could be the entire reason for that. Yet, her mind always wanders away from the rest of the world when she’s with Addy and in this moment, all she wanted to know is how it would feel to replace Addy’s lime with her own lips. 

_Snap out of it._ She shakes the thought away and hands over the bottle to Addy. _It’s just the tequila speaking._

“Just Beth not being able to sit still without her lover,” Riri kinks her eyebrow and Beth just wants to shove her face and ruin that jawline contour the girl spent hours perfecting. 

Suddenly, Riri’s eyes stop right past over Addy’s shoulder. Riri’s face softens and she lifts her hand up, waving it from side to side. “OK. Point guard from our rival school is totally checking me out,” The girl says and winks across the room.

“Get ‘em tiger,” Addy encourages and then lifts the bottle up and over to waterfall herself a shot.

“Don’t have too much fun while I’m gone, ladies.” Riri smirks over to Beth, setting the knife and chopped limes down. She winks at the two before walking off.

“Go away, slut.” Beth rolls her eyes and pushes her towards the boy. 

They watch Riri flirt by squeezing her chest tightly together and the guy leans against the wall, loving the view that displayed before his very eyes. “Boys,” Beth starts with a bored voice, “So easy.”

Addy turns her head away from Riri and has to slightly look up at Beth because of the added height that Beth had by sitting on top of this kitchen counter. 

She smiles at Addy and glances down at the bottle, waiting for the girl to commence drinking.

“Are you going to take one with me?” Addy questioned, now looking at the bottle with caution. 

“I took like a million shots already,” She shakes her head because there comes a point where she knew she needed to slow down or else she would just be in complete out of control. “Do you want me to wake up _dead,_ Hanlon?” She queried through exaggeration. 

Addy braces herself and hands Beth the bottle. “Three seconds.” The girl proposed. 

“ _Five.”_ The number rolled out of her mouth like it was a demand, and she knows Addy will follow it. 

Addy rolls her eyes before shifting back her head and opens her mouth. Beth grins as a response before tipping the bottle over and watches the tequila falls down. 

“One..two..three..four..” She doesn’t say ‘five’ aloud because she wanted to see how long Addy could last before coming up. _Five..six..seven..eight-_ Addy slaps Beth’s leg and Beth lifts the bottle up and cheers her best friend on. 

“Beth, I damn near drowned!” Addy coughs. She could just feel the burn in Addy’s throat.

“ _Addy_ , you almost had ten seconds!” She has her hands up in defense. Addy has this look on her face like she wants to be mad at Beth, but she can’t. Beth knows she can’t. 

“Okay fine, I did break my last record there,” Addy breaks into a laugh and it mirrors back to Beth.

“Again,” Beth pulls Addy closer by wrapping her legs around Addy’s waist so there was no easy escape. 

“I hate you,” Addy says, defeated.

“I know.”

Addy falls her head back and they continue on with taking waterfall like shots. Beth still adds three more seconds than she’d promised. Besides partying almost every weekend, Addy had been more strict on herself because her goal was be in shape enough in case they make Regionals. Beth helps her with the back tucks but much rather spend time giving Addy an upper hand like this, pouring a bottle of liquor down the girl’s throat. 

“Yeah, Hanlon!” She woos her best friend on and soon enough, Riri comes back over. This time with her boy-toy of the night glued to her side and the attention of others.

Addy gets ready for another go while a group forms around her that cheered loudly while Beth continues on to be her upper hand. 

_“..Nine! Ten! Eleven!”_ The crowd chanted at Addy and Beth wasn’t surprised at all. She’s the closest one that could come close beating her in a drinking battle. No one stood a chance against them.

Riri does try to match Addy but practically gags up by the sixth second. “Boo, Curtis!” Beth yells followed by Addy’s laughter.

The crowd fades away when the drinking game stops. This was the last summer party so Beth kept pushing Addy to go fully out and the girl did, eliminating any and all ounces of sober left in her.

Addy releases herself from the hold of Beth’s legs around her waist to grab a cup of soda. Beth watches Addy carefully hold the bottle of sprite over a red solo cup and pours it in clumsily.

“Need help?” She offers, stifling back her laughter.

“I got it,” Addy looks up at Beth and gives her a thumbs up. 

The next thing she knows, Addy spilled the soda halfway into the cup and onto the table. Beth breaks her laughter and Addy opens her mouth into an ‘o’ shape before twisting the cap back onto the Sprite. 

The girl laughs hard and takes her wet cup of soda before waddling back to Beth who’s still sitting on top of the kitchen counter. This time Addy stands near Beth’s knees instead of leaning against the counter in-between them.

Beth resists the impulsive decision she wants to make of wrapping her legs around Addy’s waist again. Addy’s hands plant at the sides of Beth’s outer thighs with her eyes low, she opens her mouth to say something but the music was too loud for Beth to make out the words so she furrows her right eyebrow in question. 

“What?” She says at a reasonable volume. 

As a response, Addy cups her hand near Beth’s ear and leans in close, wiggling herself back in between Beth’s legs . 

“I think I’m drunk,” Addy giggles the obvious, sending shivers down Beth’s spine with how hot her mouth feels from all the tequila. 

_It’s harmless,_ Beth knows that especially because of how loud it is here. _But god damn, Hanlon._ She thinks to herself. 

"What? I couldn't tell,” Beth sarcastically responds, beginning to motion circles softly on her best friend’s shoulder with her hand. “You want water?” 

Addy shakes her head and presses her forehead on Beth’s temple. “I _want_ to dance,” Her lips brush Beth’s ear and she moves her head back. Addy also takes a couple steps back, making room for Beth to come down. 

She clenches down her jaw hard at the lingering feeling before hopping down from the kitchen counter. She walks forward towards the living where all the main source of music took place. Without even looking behind her, she knows Addy follows because when her hand reaches out and she feels Addy quick on taking it, intertwining their fingers together.

This came natural for the two, Beth takes the first step and Addy backs her. Just like when Beth gets out of control, Addy levels her. Yeah sure, Riri is also her closest friend but the bond they have is incomparable to what she has with Hanlon.

The party had a 90’s theme to it and all the music that was playing were straight hits from back then and Addy was a sucker for throwback music. 

_“Now you say you want me giirrrlll, ouuu make up your mind!!_ ” Addy yowls along to the lyrics of Keith Sweat’s _Twisted_. 

She couldn’t help but laugh at Addy. The girl loves to get carried away with music and act dramatically to it like she’s in a whole ass music video, a sight Beth never gets tired of seeing. 

“I don’t know why you like this old shit so much,” She criticizes in a joking manner and expects Addy to glare at her. 

And the girl is quick to do so. 

“Kidding, lover.”

“Sway with me,” Addy slides her hands down to Beth’s waist to her hips, nearing her lower back. “Like how we would _practice.”_

Beth maintains her eye contact with Addy and takes a step forward, sliding her hands past Addy’s shoulders. She then wraps her arms around the girl’s neck, barely leaving any space in-between their bodies. 

There’s _nobody_ else she’s ever let herself become so submissive towards.

They instantly found comfort in each other’s bodies and Addy rests her head in the crook of Beth’s neck. She could care less who’s around them, they would know better to leave them alone anyways. That’s the royalty to the popularity they held, everyone knew their names and understood that one doesn’t come without the other. 

She feels Addy softly running her fingers down the ends of her hair like a comb. Her eyes close and she doesn’t want to feel anything else but _this_. She doesn’t want to breathe anything else but Addy. 

They’ve danced like this a million times since they were kids. Sometimes they would get too close to each other that it made Addy nervous, but Beth claimed it as for practice so when the “real” thing comes along they’d be ready and Addy would swoon over the kiss that ends with the dance. A kiss for when the _real_ time would come, it's not something ever practiced between the two even though Beth has given it a thought. Though, there has never been another person that was worth sharing a dance with. 

Admittedly, Beth was okay with that. She liked knowing that this was a part of Addy’s she had. 

Since they were little girls, she wanted to be Addy’s first _everything_ and in response, she wanted Addy to be the same thing for her but someone was always there to take it. Once at a middle school birthday party at Riri’s house, Beth wanted her first kiss to be Addy in a game of spin the bottle and the bottle spun so close to her that she thought it would happen, but then it landed on someone else whose name she can’t even remember and Addy had her first kiss with someone else that night as well. 

Sometimes she wishes she just took Addy’s hand instead of that boy and kissed her in that cramped closest. Even with their first kisses being taken away and Beth had her first time with a meaningless guy that was a couple years older, Addy still had yet to experience sex for the first time. But this was something that out of reach for Beth to take, she knows that.

The stolen first kisses was something from the past she couldn’t take back and this is now. Slow dancing was something she shared equally with Addy and she’d be damned if it gets taken away from her.

At least 5 more songs pass by and they’re completely wasted to even notice. They continue to drunkenly sway their hips against each other’s the whole entire time.

Riri’s words began to ring in the back of her head though and it shouldn’t bug her, but it’s replaying in her mind. _It’s like you’re in love with her._ No Riri, it’s not. Beth just fucking hates everyone in the world but Addy, _it’s not the goddamn same thing,_ she snaps in the back of her mind.

That’s all it is. 

At least she _thinks_ it is, because Addy’s nose brushing against her ear sends warm feelings down Beth’s naval that makes her contradict herself. 

“Let’s go home,” Addy slurs in her ear, “I’m tired.”

She nods before interlocking her hand into Addy’s. She holds Addy on her side, who is barely functioning to walk properly, and jostles through the crowd to get to the door.

* * *

Thankfully she stopped drinking way before the night ended before they decided to leave because if she had continued at all, she definitely wouldn’t have made it _this_ far. All she wants to do is get to Addy’s house safely but she can’t help it- the car keeps swerving slightly left and right in the lane she’s driving on. _Don’t kill us,_ it was a demand she was sending to herself. 

_Or at least don’t kill Addy._

Driving underneath the influence is something they found themselves too comfortable with, she knows that because Addy’s mom has pulled them over two weeks ago. Luckily Addy was the sober one driving but it was Beth and Riri passed out in the car. 

_“You girls keep this up and I swear to god, cheer is over!”_ And the yelling words of Faith Hanlon echoed in the back of her head. 

Just one more house down to pass by and they finally make it to their destination. Beth parks in front of the house with the front of her tire touching over the curb. _Whatever,_ she brushes it off and rolls eyes over to Addy, who’s knocked out in the passenger seat. 

Addy had her head rested against the car door, with her mouth slightly open and face relaxed. She could blame it on the alcohol that still burned in her system but she can’t help the feeling that comes up inside of her when she looks at her best friend. She doesn’t remember when they started but how she felt was always there, even way back when they were little girls. 

Those many wonders arise to invade her mind once more.

What if she had met Addy in a different point in their lives?  


What if they never grew up together and just met a year ago in cheer camp or something? Would they still be friends? Would Addy still admire her?  


What if she were a boy? Would Addy see her differently? Would Addy _want_ her differently?

And finally.. What if she just kissed her?

Despite all of the questions running in her head, Beth wonders if she should even wake her up to begin with. The girl looks too peaceful to be bothered, but she knows Addy well enough that the girl would rather wake up in a bed than in the jeep.

“Addy,” She says her name like it's fragile and softly shakes her arm enough for the girl to open her eyes.

Addy scans around her and realizes she was home. With a frown formed across her face, she whines, “I don’t want to get down.”

“Come on, princess.” She gives a small chuckle before getting down the drivers seat and walks over to open the passenger door. 

It’s almost as if they’re taking turns helping out each other when drunk. Last time, Beth couldn’t even walk so Addy piggybacked her all the way from the driveway of her house to her bedroom.

This time, she’s the one helping Addy walk to the front door with her right arm wrapped around Addy’s waist. With one step at a time, they finally arrive to the door and this is where the real challenge would have began but thankfully Addy’s mom was not home (most likely was pulling a late night shift. It is Saturday night after all). 

Beth practically carries Addy all the way to her room and carefully lays her down on the bed.

“On your side,” She says while turning Addy to where the girl wasn’t laying on her back anymore. Next, she unlaces Addy’s shoes and lay her feet back on the bed before she takes her own off. It didn’t matter how drunk they were, Beth always wanted to make sure they were going to be sleeping comfortably. 

She rummages through Addy’s closet, finding a pair of sweats for herself to wear and shorts for Addy. In terms of shirts, they both prefer sleeping in their sports bra. Beth takes off her shirt and slips out of the skirt she was wearing and into the gray sweats she picked out. 

She turns around to meet eyes with Addy and it takes her by surprise because she thought her best friend was completely passed out. She blushes and clears her throat. “Need help?” She insists as she hands her the shorts.

Addy tucks in her lips and nods. 

The room falls silent and Beth considers the idea of Addy watching her as she was changing. _We’ve changed in front of each other a million times so it’s nothing,_ she reassures herself. Addy sits up on the edge of the bed and lifts the shirt she had on over her head. Beth looks down at Addy, who’s wearing a regular bra instead of the nike one she thought the girl would have on.

_Neck. Collarbones. Chest. Core._

Addy’s flawless skin exposed in front of her all at once and she couldn’t help but study what was in front of her. _I hate how you make me feel sometimes, Addy._

“You lost?”

She snaps out of it when she feels Addy hit her face with a pillow following with a giggle. 

“Oh shut it,” She grabs the pillow to retaliate, hitting Addy on her side. 

Addy unzips her ripped jeans and wiggles her legs out halfway while Beth finishes the job for her. She doesn’t care enough to fold the pants so she lets it fall on the ground and hands Addy the pair of shorts. 

While Addy puts the shorts on, Beth finally falls comfortable on the bed, laying down on her side facing the girl in front of her. Addy lays down opposite of her and they had their gaze fixed on one another. _How can someone be so kind to someone that’s so cruel to the world?_ Beth immediately feels guilty. This is where she shows her real self to Addy, it’s always at the end of the night. 

“How did I get so lucky to have you?” She lets one of her many wonders slip through her lips.

“I don’t know,” The girl smiles and begins to run her fingers tenderly on Beth’s arm. “You could be a real pain the ass sometimes.”

“ _I know,_ ” She sighs with her heart aching slightly, then scoots closer and buries her head in the girl’s neck.

Her anger gets the best of her all the time but it’s how she gets her respect from every single person that knows her, even those who dislike her. Addy sees right through it all and somehow manages to accept it. She rests her hand inside Addy’s lower back and Addy pulls her in more to the point where there was no space in between them once again in this night.

Falling asleep like this would be the answer, it always is because they weren’t strangers to cuddling with each other. But this time Beth looks up at Addy, both faces just barely an inch away from one another. 

She licks her lips as she glances down at the pair of full lips in front of her. With her opposite hand, she traces just underneath Addy’s bottom lip cautiously. This was higher than their original level of comfort and she wanted to do more and taste Addy. 

Is she naturally feeling this bold or is it the alcohol still lingering inside of her? 

_Maybe it’s both,_ she concludes. 

Addy reciprocates and feeds into the tension by sliding her fingers from Beth’s arm to her shoulder. Addy’s fingers tracing her leaves a fire burning inside of her she can’t tame. She feels her best friend tuck her hair behind her ear and passed her neck, just tracing her fingers on the choker necklace that her father had given her.

There was a cold feeling on her neck that was quickly replaced with Addy’s hand.

She’s always been able to read Addy front and back like a book but for the first time since they’ve met, she wasn’t sure what was going through Addy’s mind right now. It’s why she isn’t overstepping. 

Instead she’s tiptoeing how far she could go.

She doesn’t even need to say it out loud but Addy picks up on it, that’s how they work. 

Addy’s eyes shift down at her lips and before Beth knows it, Addy presses her lips against hers. Beth softly kisses her back, feeling something in her chest glowing.

It’s a brief kiss though, almost like a test. 

They slowly pull away and maintain eye contact, both making sure it wasn’t weird between them. At the same time, they smile childishly at each other, as if they were two kids testing out what their first kiss would feel like. Maybe this was how it would have been if the bottle landed on Addy that night, Beth reminisces. 

“That’s all you got? What are we, like twelve?” Beth teases but her voice yet low and cool. 

_Kiss me like you mean it,_ she requested in her mind and hopes Addy has some sort of telepathic powers. 

Her neck gets gripped lightly by Addy’s hold and she bites down her inner bottom lip at the feeling. All she sees now is the lips of her best friend curve. Was Addy teasing her back?

To Beth, it always felt like an unspoken game of cat and mouse between them, where there’s a chase that’s filled with desire and they switch characters all the time. There was one day after a draining practice, Beth found herself having to bite down her lip from the pleasure filled moan that dared to escape her lips all due to the magic hands of Addy massaging her sore body. Addy had to know she made Beth feel this way because it seems like she’s does it on purpose. 

Maybe Addy liked seeing Beth squirm.

It was more than the way she digs her thumbs in Beth’s inner thighs, knowing the soreness of her legs didn’t reach that high, it was also the way she drops her eyes down at Beth’s lips when Beth isn’t even speaking. But Beth notices these things even if Addy thinks she’s subtle about it. She notices everything.

They don’t need say it aloud but there was a place somewhere deep inside the both of them that they knew this was more than your ordinary friendship between to girls. Beth has always felt this and she knows Addy pretends like she doesn’t have a clue.

Actions always speak louder than words and now, it’s the way her hand fits perfectly on the side of Beth’s neck, fully aware of the things that turn Beth on the most. Like _being choked_. How could Addy not know? Beth doesn’t have a filter on the things she tells her best friend.

The tension between them grew thicker in the air. “Don’t play where you don’t want to get hurt, Hanlon.” She warns Addy even if she knows her best friend loves a challenge.

“Everything is like a game to you, isn’t it?” Addy grumbles and slides her hand away from Beth’s neck. 

“What do you mean?” She raises her eyebrow and Addy refuses to respond. “ _Addy_..” Her voice softens in attempt to get Addy to lighten up. 

She takes Addy’s hand and place it back on the side of her neck without breaking their eye contact. 

Before she knows it, Addy pulls her in by her neck and presses her lips against _hers_. Beth immediately melts into Addy’s lips, ignoring the rise in her heartbeat. This wasn’t a childish kiss, this felt entirely far than that. She deepens the kiss, still unbelieving that this moment was happening.

All the boys she’s ever kissed lacked something in common with one another which was chapstick and passion. There was never a drive in her that _wanted_ to be in a moment with those guys, it was all just to pass time. It’s what Beth does when she’s bored or was too wasted at a party that Addy didn’t end up going to. 

With Addy, she knew it was different because she fantasized about it for years even if she kept pushing the thought away. Yet it always seemed to come back every time and now she was living it. _Plus_ , Addy’s lips were incredibly soft and moist.

She opens her mouth wider into Addy’s, brushing her tongue passed the girl’s bottom lip and Addy is quick to respond. _Godfuckingdamn Hanlon._ Addy hasn’t been with a lot of guys but she’s no stranger to a make-out session, Beth knows this and there’s a hint of jealousy arising inside of her just thinking about the guys Addy’s kissed that had created Addy to be _this_ _good._

Exploration coursed in the hand that was placed Addy’s waist and began fondling the girl’s back. Then, she slides that hand underneath Addy’s shorts to feel and rub the side of her bare leg. Beth felt the passion of kissing Addy flowing through her veins, there was nothing she could compare it to. No one else she could compare it to.

With each second that passes by, their kiss only becomes more heated and Beth wanted to see how far she could go. Addy doesn’t expect Beth to pull her head away to break the kiss so she opens her eyes to find Beth with a smirk across her face. 

She sits up and readjusts herself, leaning over Addy who’s biting down her lip and Beth could tell she wanted more so she aims for her best friend’s neck. 

When she hears Addy gasps as a response to her wet mouth on the her neck, it boosts her confidence _and_ ego because now she knows that she was in complete control. Addy slides her hand from Beth’s neck to the inside of her hair, gripping onto it with pleasure. That’s another kink that Beth knows Addy is aware about, _she likes her hair pulled._ Maybe Addy just has a great memory or just purposely remembers the kinds of things Beth tells her when they talk about any make-out sessions they’ve had.

Her mouth sucks onto Addy’s pressure point with the intention to leave a mark. She knows Addy hates having hickeys but she couldn’t help the desire to claim territory on her best friend, even if it’s a temporary. She definitely wants Addy to _know_ this was her doing and the best part about it was that Addy was _letting_ her.

Addy pulls her back up to tastes her lips again.

They could have sex right now if they continued on because it was like ecstasy being together like this and Beth didn’t want it to ever end, but she knew it had to. She was becoming more and more sober and the repressed feelings she has for Addy were stronger and she knew Addy was still drunk out of her mind. It isn’t fair. 

Beth knows for herself that she could be a complete selfish bitch but she would never take advantage of her best friend for her own gain, so she pulls away. 

First glance was down at each other’s lips and shot back up where blue met brown eyes. All she could do is smile hard at her best friend, _did we really just do that?_ She thinks in her head with her heart glowing yet aching at the same time.

Addy tucks her lips into a smile and chuckles into Beth’s neck. “ _We did,”_ Beth thinks Addy would have said in response. 

“Now I could see why all the boys want you,” Addy breaks into laughter.

Beth laughs back and dramatically gasps. “Are you saying it’s not my charming personality and good looks?” She sarcastically asks, knowing all the guys they know are shit and just want one thing.

Addy looks back up at her and maintains eye contact. She has a way of softening Beth, always had. “I like your charming personality and good looks,” Addy tenderly says and for a moment, Beth thinks she’s sober.

“I know.” Beth gives a shy smile, but she shakes off the idea and clears her throat. 

“Night Addy,” Beth says, with her thumb caressing Addy’s cheek.

Addy shifts her opposite leg from the bed into Beth’s warm thighs in a more comfortable position. “Goodnight, Beth.”

* * *

Life is a bitch and Beth knows that best. She’s empirical to the shitty rich father and addict of a mother dynamic and there was no relationship she truly had with her bastard little half-sister. The real family she had was her cheer squad and Addy. Hanlon is more than just her lieutenant on the squad not only because of how insanely compatible they were cheering and dominating with each other, but also the girl welcomed Beth in like family since they were little girls. The divorce between her parents sent her to rock bottom but Addy pulled her up. 

Maybe it was that history they shared that for some reason, despite the absolute worse-than-Regina-George mean girl Beth can be, Addy was never scared or threatened by her. Nobody’s ever been so patient with her the way Addy is especially when she had too much to drink or is fueled by pride to be the biggest badass bitch in the gymnasium/field when it’s game-day.

Everybody could see the crown Beth wore and did not see Addy anywhere below it, and she made sure of that. There was nothing that she wanted to change- what was there to mess with anyways? At what cost?

Her eyes slowly open and pierce at the sight of the bright sun peaking through the window blinds. What time is it? _Oh what does it matter,_ Beth thinks. _It’s the still summer._ Last day of it, actually. 

Addy was still asleep with her mouth half open and a small drool stain on the pillow. Her lips curve, giving Addy a soft smile that goes unnoticed. The kiss still lingered on her lips just as the feeling of Addy’s hand on her neck. She tucks her lips in and sighs, she doesn’t know where they stand now. 

The time was edging towards noon and she realizes that she was running late to a lunch with her father. She could easily avoid it, but money was running short in her pockets so why not see the asshole? Plus, it gives her time to reflect on what happened. She sits on the edge of the bed and leans down to collect her clothes and rummages thought the mess of Addy’s floor to find her keys. 

She tiptoes and hops over Addy’s bag that laid on the floor to get to the door. Her hand grips around the cold door knob and she takes a final look at Addy sleeping. Riri’s words echoed in her head again and she realizes that maybe for once, Riri was right about something. 

* * *

Addy acts as if she doesn’t remember a thing, but Beth sees through it. She’s always been able to scope beyond the things Addy says or does and vice versa. It’s how they work, it’s how they always worked.

“I hardly even remember how we got home either,” Addy scratches her head. 

“Yeah, you basically killed that patron bottle all by yourself _and_ took a couple shots of henny at one point,” Riri recalls. 

“Not a single thing comes to mind, Hanlon?” Beth almost scoffs, watching Addy readjust her Dairy Cream hat. 

“Nope,” Addy shrugs as she takes the metal scoop and scraps it across the Rocky Road and places it on a cone, handing it to Riri.

Does it bother her that Addy is brushing what happened last night off? Yes. But she’s forbearing. Addy always tells the truth after lying whenever the girl feels ready to and Beth waits for her every time. 

There was a time in middle school where a boy kissed Addy without asking, causing Addy to feel violated and paranoid. The girl tried to mirror Beth’s tough exterior and acted like everything was fine. She kept it a secret but Beth had a feeling something was wrong. 

She decides not to push the issue because she knew Addy wanted to fight her own battles until the girl had no fight in her left. Then the boy did it again. This time Addy finally cried to her and told her everything, Beth knew exactly how to handle it and waited until lunch came. She went up to him with a mischievous smile and kicked him hard where the sun didn’t shine. 

That was her third suspension, all times where she was sticking up for Addy.

Riri takes the cone over the counter and her eyes grow wide suddenly. “A hickey, Addy?!” The girl exclaims.

Beth’s eyes immediately finds Addy’s neck and sees a fresh red mark on the side of her neck. And there it was, the mark of territory she had left. She raises an eyebrow and enigmatically smiles at her best friend. Her stare stays on Addy, waiting for the girl to meet her eyes. If there was one place Beth knew to find the truth in Addy, it was within the eyes. She knows Addy could feel her cocky smile because Addy is avoiding to even glance her way. 

“A _hickey,_ Addy?” She mimics Riri’s voice with a smirk and both eyebrows raised in question.

“I burned myself with the straightener,” Addy mutters, lifting her collar to cover the lovebite. Beth immediately furrows her eyebrows at that bullshit. 

_If you’re going to make something up, at least come up with something good,_ she tells Addy in her head.

“Yeah right, I’ve used that excuse before,” Riri rolls her eyes over to Beth. 

Beth fights back a laugh daring to escape through her lips, she is eating this up right now. _You can’t even fool Curtis, Addy._

“Was _he_ good?” Riri instigates furthermore and Beth meets Addy’s eyes for a spilt second before Addy averts, she swears she sees red running across Addy’s cheeks.“Because that boy you guys saw me with last night was trash. Cute but awful. He was so gone that he threw up in the middle of us making out.” Riri continues.

Beth and Addy both share a disgusted look on their faces at Riri.

“Not on me though, he backed up!” Riri holds her arms up to ensure the two. 

Addy laughs and shakes her head, Beth does the same thing. 

She glances at Addy and reads that Addy doesn’t want to have this conversation anymore, and that’s okay with her. 

“Good girls like Addy don’t kiss and tell,” She starts, twirling her fingers in Riri’s curly hair.

Addy meets her eyes this time, it feels heavier than usual.

Beth takes her hand back after tangling a couple strands of Riri’s hair and holds the side of her own neck with her hand. The very place Addy had her grip on last night.

“They kiss and _forget_.”

* * *

The first week of their senior year felt like everything was back to normal. She and Addy still reigned through the hallways, snapping the attention of everyone around them left and right. Everyone wanted to either be them or fuck them, even the ones that seem like they don’t give a shit at all. 

Beth and Addy were absolutely formidable in Sutton Grove, but what everybody doesn’t see is the two of them fighting the heavy tension between them.

They carry on and continue like that night never happened, but it did. _It did happen, Addy._ She wants to take the words out of her head for Addy to hear. She’s persistent and patient though, Addy will come around at some point, she tells herself that.

Every little touch feels different for Beth. During their first official cheer practice back Addy had to back spot her and when she came down to land safely on her bases, all she could feel was the weight of Addy’s support and the closeness of the girl’s lips to her neck. And when they showered next to each other after that practice, her helpless eyes wander off to Addy’s shoulders. 

Addy catches her eyes and just smiles at her. She almost wishes Addy rejected the way she looks at her instead of welcoming it. She knows Addy wouldn’t dare to hurt her intentionally, but she hates that it feels like she’s being stabbed in the heart every time Addy looks away.

When she drives Addy home after practice, she always made sure the girl gets into the house before driving off. It was a promise they made to each other before they started getting behind the wheel, to ensure themselves that the other one got inside her home safely. Every single time, Beth finds herself still parked in front of Addy’s house for a moment even when Addy had already waved goodbye and closed the door behind her.

She ponders back to a time where she didn’t feel anything at all for Addy and to her surprise, that so-called time never came to mind. 

The worst part of it all is that even if she didn’t enjoy these repressed feelings, it is the closest thing she has to feeling anything at all besides being cold and angry at the world. 

* * *

A month passes and their friendship start to change. Addy had become even more focused on cheerleading and put extra practice onto herself. Coach Colette _fucking_ French influenced that, helping Addy with back tucks and inviting her over to her house. It annoyed Beth because it kept Addy from hanging out and partying like they used to. Despite the new distance between them, she still makes sure Addy gets into her house safely when she drives her home after a long tiring practice. 

She does makes snarky comments to Addy about Coach because she could just see how embarrassing crush Addy has on her. On the bright side, it does keeps her mind away from drifting off to Addy. That and using a disposable boy in the old music room that isn’t occupied anymore. She does have to fight her mind imagining Addy whenever he kisses back the boy in front of her.

The only thing different thing now compared to before is that she doesn’t ever tell Addy where she runs off to when she skips calculus. Addy would ask and she would lie, making up whatever excuse fit for that day. Lying is the only thing Addy truly fails to detect, Beth could convince anyone absolutely anything and they would believe it.

Addy always believes it. 

_Beth (7:23pm): room for you in the jeep tonight for slocum’s party_

_Addy (7:23pm): beth its sunday, we have school tmrw morning._

She rolls her eyes at Addy’s text, this marks to be the millionth time Addy flakes on spending a night out with her and Riri. 

With her in general. 

“She’s forsure gonna be a no-show,” Riri comments and pursues her lips.

_Beth (7:24pm): hanlon, its just one night. then u could go back to dreaming about fucking coach french every night._

_Addy (7:25pm): omg. this again_

She holds the joint in between her lips and inhales deep, hoping to tame down the jealousy coming up in her chest.

_Addy (7:25pm): ill think about it_

_Beth: (7:25pm): *holds breath* *dies*_

Addy responds with laughing emojis and Beth finds herself smiling at her phone. 

_Beth (7:26pm): what’s a girl to do without her ride or die?_

_Addy (7:27pm): fine. but I’m not drinking._

A curve runs across her lips in triumph. “She’s in,” She waves her phone to Riri while passing her the joint. 

“Mom and dad are back together!” Riri cheers and hugs Beth.

“Shut up, Riri.” She shoves her off in a playful manner.

* * *

Ironically, Addy’s the first to waterfall shots straight from the bottle. Riri and Beth hypes her up to take five second waterfall shots and she could tell Addy missed the heat of the alcohol spreading fire inside her body. 

“Slow down there, you don’t want to ‘ _black out’_ again,” Beth cryptically says and Addy simply tucks her lips in. Silently, she dares Addy to say something, anything that regards _that_ night. 

Instead, Addy just passes the bottle to Riri who takes the next swig. 

“I’m so glad the three of us are hanging out tonight, it’s been a while,” Riri optimistically says and grins at her two most favorite people in the world. 

“Yeah, I missed this.” Addy agrees, smiling shyly and glances over to Beth. 

She smiles back and realizes how much time she spent avoiding her feelings for the girl but really, she missed Addy. And she knew Addy missed her back. 

The three of them sit by the bonfire for most of the night just catching up amongst themselves about who needed to lose the most weight on the team to make basket tosses easier and how short and annoying Tacy was. It was comfortable and the more alcohol settled in Beth’s stomach, the more relaxed she decided to be around Addy again. 

While Riri went on about the current boy she was seeing, Beth settles into Addy with her back against Addy’s chest with the back of her head underneath Addy’s collarbone. At this point, Addy was the one responding back to Riri and Beth was just in pure drunk solace. 

Then Nate whatever-the-fuck walks over and tries to get Beth’s attention by flirting with her. He was today’s fuck during calculus, but that’s all he’ll ever be. Beth thought these guys understood that. 

“Not interested,” Beth brushes him off and takes a sip from her beer bottle. 

He scoffs and rolls his eyes, ready to walk away. His feet pivot, turning his body back around and says, “Though you were sure interested during third period today, _bitch_.” 

Addy and Riri immediately rise up against him, Beth is forced to sit forward. The two corner him with strong glares and he’s taken aback at the suddenness of it all. Beth’s just bothered she didn’t have Addy to lay against anymore. 

“What _the_ _fuck_ did just you call her?” Addy’s words carried the poison of venom with the way he became fearful of her. 

_My lieutenant, my lieutenant._

“Walk away Jacobs,” Riri demanded. _Jacobs, mhm that was the last name,_ Beth realizes to herself.

“Whatever,” He walks off and the two sit back down. Riri and Beth laughs at the situation but Addy became tense and just takes the bottle, throwing her head back to another gulp. The girl was already passed her limit for tonight. 

The rest of the night, Beth decides to sober up first so she could drive consciously. Riri was already close to falling asleep but Addy kept on drinking. Something clearly tainted in Addy’s mood, Beth could easily discern it. 

They both carry Riri in the backseat of the jeep and it surprises Beth how Addy can even be able to function properly after all she just drank. But it didn’t compare to _that_ night and for the first time in a month since it happened, Beth considers the possibility of Addy actually forgetting that piece of the night they shared.

The car ride to Riri’s house was so short, that the two didn’t exchange words. It was a mission trying to sneak Riri in her room without waking her mom up, but they successfully do it anyway. When they get back in the car, Addy still hadn’t said a word.

“Okay, what did I do now?” Beth folds, breaking the two minute long silence. 

“Why do you think you did something?” Addy raises her shoulders, already sounding annoyed. 

This is the thing that makes Addy a girl the most, she uses her words to make it seem like she’s unbothered by anything but it’s her tone and the way she crosses her arms that gives it away.

“Addy, come on,” She pleads.

Sometimes it bothers Beth how small the town they lived in was because in less than ten seconds she was already approaching Addy’s house, making it easier for Addy just to get up and leave. But she turns off her car in hopes Addy would just talk to her.

Addy lowers her eyebrows at Beth and presses her lips together.

She narrows her eyes at Addy, waiting for a response. 

“You told me you were feeling sick and left to the nurses office when you weren’t in calc today,” Addy’s voice was harsh. The girl doesn’t ever get in that tone with Beth unless she was really pissed. 

Beth looks off to the side and folds her hands in her lap, caught in her lie.

“Is that what you been going off doing for the passed month?” Addy grew incredulous and Beth could see the anger building up in her eyes. Addy was never the type to judge her for any of her choices, she knows all of Beth’s history yet never once reacted this way. 

“It doesn’t mean anything."

“That’s not the point.” Addy retorted, she absolutely hated dishonesty.

“Okay I lied,” She admits, “But it was to-“ She stops herself and clenches her jaw. Never will she let herself break and tell Addy the truth about her feelings, she just can’t lose her. 

“To what?” Addy lowers eyes. 

Beth shakes her head, “Forget it.”

“ _No_ , Beth,” Addy wasn’t letting her off the hook. “Tell me,” The girl demands and Beth almost hates how bold alcohol turns Addy to be.

She grows frustrated and the last thing she wants to do is make up another lie. “I don’t get why you’re getting all pissed because you’re no angel either, Adelaide. We skipped class all the time last year!” Her voice raises and it only fuels the fire Addy had.

“That’s not the same thing!” Addy snapped and it was becoming clear to Beth now. Addy was _jealous._

She looked sharply at Addy. “Why? Because I’m _fucking_ other guys?” She snarled.

Addy winces at the remark and tightens her lips.

“No, it’s- it’s because you lied to me,” Addy manages to say.

They maintained eye contact and Beth could see the hurt Addy was hiding. She almost feels guilty, but she relaxes her tensed shoulders and reaches for her keys to start up the jeep. This is a sign that she wants to leave, Addy picks up on that. 

“Yeah? Well, you did _too.”_ Her voice was steady and cold. 

Addy doesn’t say anything but Beth could tell she knew what she referred to.

In spite of making it clear that she wanted to leave, a part of her hoped Addy would say something. Anything that would refer to _that_ night. 

The girl chooses to open the car door and steps down from it. 

“Get home safe,” She grumbles and shuts the car door before storming away into her house. 

She furiously moves the throttle down to “D” but keeps her foot on the brake. Her grip on the steering wheel was hard and everything in her just wants to drive off because she couldn’t stand being here anymore. 

_Why, Addy? What is it truly that made you upset?_ She hits the steering wheel with a close fist, feeling defeated, and she looks through her window. Addy walks onto the front steps and opens the door without turning to wave goodbye like she usually would. 

_You could be mad at me or avoid that kiss we had that night all you want, Addy. At least I made sure you got in your house safe tonight, I’ll always make sure of that._

She takes a deep breath and releases her foot off the brake.

* * *

The next day Addy doesn’t show up to school. Beth fights the urge to text her to check up on her but it’s unusual for Addy to miss even a class without letting her know first, whether they were in a fight or not. She asked around almost everyone where Addy was and no one had a clue. _Damn you, Addy._ She lasts until noon before texting Addy first.

_Beth (12:24pm): ditching school, hanlon?_

_Beth (2:07pm): are you still mad at me ?_

_Beth (2:10pm): you could at least turn off your read receipts. I know ur seeing this._

_Beth (3:31pm): are you dead_

_Beth (3:33pm): fine ill fuck off. ill see you at practice_

Addy doesn’t show up to practice either and when Beth checks her phone, she had seen no new messages.

_Beth (5:47pm): addy what the fuck_

From afar, she sees Coach Colette walk off probably to smoke away in her office like the sad ass thirty year old she is. That’s when Beth realizes she hadn’t asked the right people where her best friend was. 

She frowns at herself for taking two steps towards the direction of Coach’s office, but she rolls her eyes and continues. _This is the one and only time I will put my pride aside._

Her knuckled fist pounds against the open door and Coach doesn’t get startled at all, _bummer._

“Cassidy, what brings you in here?” Coach asks while lighting up a cigarette. 

“Heard anything from Addy?” It burns asking Colette where Addy is. She absolutely hates speaking to this woman. 

“Said she was sick,” Coach brings her shoulders up into a shrug and places the lung cancer between her lips. “You two get in a fight?” She asks. 

Beth rolls her eyes once again, too tired to even make a comment so she walks away leaving the question unanswered. She just needed to know that Addy was alive and not kidnapped or something. 

* * *

It was past midnight and she couldn’t sleep. She’s been having trouble sleeping since that last night of summer. Flashes of her memory with Addy kept replaying in her head, she couldn’t help but overanalyze everything about it. From the way Addy held her, looking into her eyes like she was the only thing that mattered in this fucked up world, and the moment she felt her lips pressed against hers.

She thought about texting Addy again but she decided to let time fix this one. Addy will come around, she always does.

Before she knows it, her phone vibrates in her pocket. The notification across her screen appeared to be a text message from Addy.

_Addy (12:45am): you awake?_

Beth stares at the text and reminds herself that Addy had been ignoring her all day. She places her phone to the side and closes her eyes, trying to fall asleep. _Zzzz!_ The vibrations of her phone interrupted that and now Addy was calling her. 

“What?” Beth mumbles.

“I’m outside.” 

She sits up and looks at the stairs she’d have to walk up to even answer the door. 

“I’m asleep, Addy.” She responds before hanging up the phone. _You ignore me this whole day and expect me to-_

Her angry thoughts were cut off by the buzzing of her phone ringing again. It was Addy again.

“Hello?” 

“Beth, come on. It’s raining,” Addy’s solemn tone falters Beth’s pettiness. 

“Fine,” She hangs up, defeated, and makes her way up the stairs. 

With every step she takes on the stairs, she thinks about all the things she wants to say. She was angry at Addy for pretending like that night never happened but happens to be _the on_ e upset at _her_. What gives Addy the right!

She unlocks the door and twists the door knob to open the door, ready to lay all the pissed off weight of words she has on Addy.

But right before her eyes, there Addy stood with her hood over her head, completely drenched from the rain. Instinctively, she extends her arm and pulls her best friend in the house. All the vexation in Beth had instantly vanished.

“Stay here, I’ll get you a towel,” Beth quickly makes her way to the bathroom and back with an unused yellow towel.

Addy takes her wet hoodie off and hangs it by the door. She had on just a t-shirt underneath, slightly damp from the hoodie. Beth unfolds the towel and wraps it around Addy’s shoulders. 

She takes a step back and Addy innocently smiles halfly at her. 

_Don’t let her angel face fool you. You’re pissed at her, Beth,_ she reminds herself. She restrains herself and turns her back away from Addy, making her way back down to her bed of a couch. Addy just follows.

“What are you doing here?” She doesn’t look at Addy yet, she makes herself comfortable first and flops on the same spot she was at before getting ever up. 

Addy sits on the foot of the couch. 

“Oh you know, just went for a run and passed by your house. Thought I’d stop by and say hello,” Addy’s light hearted voice almost makes Beth laugh. 

Instead she relaxes her shoulders, she doesn’t realize how tense she was.

Beth rolls her eyes and follows it with a half smile as a response.

“Fine,” Addy sighs, clasping her hands together. “I meant it though, I couldn’t sleep so I did run. Just ended up going in your direction, like _always_.” The girl looks down at her hands.

“And?”

Addy rolls her eyes at Beth’s expectation to continue further but she takes a deep breath and meets her waiting eyes. “I was being a bitch last night,” She admits. 

Beth crosses her arms at Addy, it wasn’t just last night. “And..”

“And..today,” Addy fills in the blank.

“I know,” She sympathizes and finds herself averting Addy’s eyes. 

The guilt of skipping class to avoid one of her few classes with Addy started to flood in. Maybe if she didn’t use those guys, she wouldn’t have made Addy upset with her. And that’s the worst thing she knows about herself, it doesn’t matter if everyone else was mad or disappointed as fuck at her, Addy’s the only person she doesn’t want to let down. 

All those times with those guys were pointless because she still felt this way. 

“What was with you today?” Beth questioned softly.

“Had a lot on my mind,” Addy sighs. “Hangover mostly.” She adds a chuckle.

“Just..” She starts slow, “Don’t do that again, okay?”

“Drink?” Addy raises both eyebrows and gives a weak laugh. _Yeah, right._ Beth shakes her head.

“Shut me out,” She feels her heart ache at her request. 

Addy nods and holds up pinky up in the air, “I promise."

Beth mirrors, holding her pinky up as well and they both press their lips against their own pinkies before interlocking them together to seal it. It’s how they always made their promises.

“Can we just lay together?” Addy asks with a low and tired voice. “Like we used to?” 

_Like we used to._ Beth scoots forward, making enough room for Addy slide behind her. Addy makes her way to lay down, tucking her arm underneath the pillowcase. Beth looks down at her best friend who’s smiling up at her. Addy pats the empty space near her and Beth gives in, burrowing her head into the pillow. 

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stay mad at Addy.

Her feet lift up from the ground and she spreads her bare legs comfortably across the couch, nestling into Addy. She wraps herself in Addy’s arm and becomes the little spoon. It’s quiet between them but at a comfortable level. Addy tenderly runs her fingers down Beth’s right arm, the girl knows Beth enjoys that the most because it made her feel safe.

Her mind drifts off to the last time they shared a bed, becoming sentimental as she stares into the abyss of the dark room. 

“You’re still _my girl_ , right Addy?” She asks with her voice low and hushed, completely okay if Addy doesn’t hear her. She feels a little embarrassed but she allows herself to feel the need for Addy’s validation, it’s the only thing that matters.

“Yeah,” Addy reassures her and moves her hand down to hold the back of Beth’s hand.

She caresses her thumb softly along Addy’s fingers, it comes natural to her that she doesn’t notice herself doing it. She’s almost never sleep at a decent time, how could she? Her mind never shuts the hell up nowadays. Being held by Addy helps, her eyes become tired and it wasn’t long before she instantly falls asleep. 

She was always able to do that with Addy.

* * *

After practice the cheer squad notices the leadership students linger in the hallways setting up decorations for the current theme of Homecoming. Beth couldn’t care less about school dances, it was all about football game and the after parties for her. Good Samaritan Addy does lend a helping hand their fellow classmates by taping tiny footballs around the lockers. 

On the other hand, Beth and Riri are just messing around by sticking the hallway decorations on each other.

Jordy Brennan walks past them laughing and usually, Beth doesn’t notice his presence but he was walking on the other side of the hallway towards Addy. He leans his side against the locker and Addy looks at him.

She turns her attention to the two and Riri catches on. They huddle next to each other and pretend not to watch like a couple of little kids eavesdropping an adult’s conversation.

“What is she doing talking to him?” There’s judgement in her voice with a hint of jealousy.

“Ou!” Riri’s quick to say, like a light bulb flickered on in her brain. “Maybe he was the guy that gave Hanlon that love bite.”

“He wishes.” She simply responds, frowning at the idea of Jordy’s virgin ass even knowing what to do with a girl to begin with.

She watches Addy give a helpless and shy fake smile to Jordy before he walks off. He goes back to the direction he came from, earning a glare from Beth. Shortly, Addy walks up to them with a note in her hand. 

“What was that about?” Beth didn’t mean for that come out as annoyed as it sounded.

“I just got asked out to the homecoming dance,” Addy says, waving the note in the air. 

“Does that mean we’re all going to the dance?” Riri grins, she’s always loved any and all type of school activities, just never the school work.

Beth pursues her lips, thinking about it for a brief moment. “No,” She concludes, “I hate dances.”

“We’ll find you a date! I know a couple of guys that would make the perfect bachelors,” Riri says and whips her phone out her pocket, as if finding a boy was the answer to every problem.

“So are you going with him?” Beth turns her attention back to Addy.

“I don’t know, maybe,” Addy shrugs and adds, “Coach thinks he’s cute.”

“What, so now _you_ think he’s cute? Colette’s judgement shouldn’t be considered, that’s called pedophila.” Her bitter voice irritates Addy fast. 

“B, don’t be so negative and share Addy for once,” Riri encourages and nudges Beth, who is preventing herself from stomping Riri’s toes if she hears the girl tease her about Addy one more time.

“It’s just a stupid dance, plus it’s senior year. Why not?” Addy keeps her voice calm, it’s the same tone she uses when she’s trying to keep Beth’s anger in control. 

She takes a deep breath, chest rising high and falling slowly. “You’re right,” She falters. 

It’s been a year since Addy’s ever been on a date with a boy anyway, she does deserve whatever she wants, Beth thinks. She just hates the selfish part of her that wants to keep Addy all to herself.

“Who knows, maybe he’ll get you guys a hotel room,” Riri winks. 

Addy immediately glances at Beth. 

Oh the urge just to pop Jordy’s car tires to prevent that from ever happening. She’d give anything to make Addy though and if it’s going out with Jordy goddamn Brennan for a night, then so be it because she’ll be there too. 

Watching. 

_Protecting_.

“Well I guess we better find me a date, too.” She declares, reaching out to steal Riri’s phone out of the girl’s hold to see her options.

* * *

It was the night before the homecoming football game and traditionally, the cheer squad gets together to have a girls night. This time Beth’s running late because she needed an outlet, something temporary to take her mind off Addy again. In the past week she had to watch her best friend force herself to hold a conversation with Jordy. Addy’s too nice to back down from going with him as her date and Beth sees through it all.

So she despises him, but endures it. After all, this was Addy’s decision at the end of the day. 

She thinks back for a moment about using the same disposable guys for her selfish needs but then another candidate came to mind. The corporal roaming around the hallways, preying on victims to sign under contract and sell their soul to the government. 

Corporal Kurtz.

He’s been checking her out for some time now and Addy hadn’t been around her much. Since Addy is about 80% of her impulse control, she doesn’t think twice and pursues Kurtz. 

_Riri (7:43pm): you still coming to the kickback at mines?_

_Beth (7:45pm): yeah, just need to take care of some military services for our oh so great and terrible country_

_Riri (7:45pm): u slut ;)_

She smirks and lays her phone face down on the table. They don’t need to speak, Beth doesn’t care enough to. He leans in and kisses her, hard. She responds back, comparing him to Addy like she’s been doing for the past month since that night. He was rough while Addy was soft and tender. He makes his way on her neck and she clenches her jaw though not in pleasure, but in discomfort. 

She lifts his head up and he asks her what she wants. 

“Make me feel good.”

He nods like the marine he is and drops down on his knees. 

Like all the guys she’s ever been with, she feels the need to guide them because none of them knew how to hit the right spots for her. Not even now. 

* * *

When she walks Riri’s house, she sees all the girls from her squad drunk as shit singing loudly to Saweetie’s “My Type”. She goes straight to the kitchen, in search of her top girls.

Addy, Riri, and Brianna stand in the kitchen playing drinking games. Addy tosses the ping pong ball into the cup and cheer drunkenly when making it. 

“Beth you’re here, now we can play beer pong fair!” Brianna says, standing on the opposite side of the kitchen table next to Riri.

Beth places a bottle of vodka she stole from Kurtz' apartment on the table. A gift for being late.

“What’d I miss?” She asks, looking over to Addy who was drinking out of a red solo cup. 

“ _You_ need to catch up,” Addy slurs handing over her cup to Beth. She’s reminded of the same words she told Addy that night at the last summer party. 

Addy opens the vodka bottle and pours it in the cup, filling it halfway. 

She raises her eyebrows at her, “How drunk are you?”

“I’m not drunk,” Addy exaggeratedly shakes her head and lifts her finger up at Beth. “You’re drunk,” She accuses Beth, who is entirely sober. 

“So, Beth,” Riri eagerly says, “How was Kurtz? Did his beard scratch you?”

Addy furrows her eyebrow at Beth, “Who is that?”

Beth shakes her head at Addy, “Just a waste of time. Like all of them.” 

“Mhm,” Addy hums, almost critically and takes a swig from the vodka bottle.

“He’s like the youngest hot marine out of all of them just roaming around the halls, Beth has him wrapped around her finger,” Brianna winks. 

Beth only kinks her eyebrow to show off her pride but the truth is, she doesn’t want to talk about him anymore. At least not in front of Addy. 

The night continues with back to back games of beer pong and Beth and Addy beats Riri and Brianna. 3-0. Something felt off with Addy even when they were kicking Riri and Brianna’s ass at the game, it was like Addy was more focused into playing than having a good time. 

After another round, Addy excuses herself to the bathroom and walks away. Beth watches her leave, feeling eager to talk to her. Wanting to explain that no matter who Beth was with, Addy was on her mind every time. She follows Addy and waits for the girl to come out of the bathroom.

When Addy walks out of the bathroom, she stumbles into Beth. Beth holds her up and everything she wanted to say gets caught in the back of her throat. 

“Easy,” She stands in front of Addy, helping the drunk girl back on her two feet.

“Thanks,” Addy mutters before walking off into the next room. Riri’s room. This was where the night of the middle school party took place where they were spinning the bottle, landing it on their first kisses. 

She follows Addy all the way inside the room.

“Do you remember that party, when we were in sixth or seventh grade?” She asks Addy, walking towards the closet of that held their first kisses.

“Yeah,” Addy reminisces, “You know, when that bottle spun I was so afraid of it landing on you.” 

Beth turns her head at Addy, surprised at the new information.

“Why?” She asks, back turned against the closet door.

“Just was,” Addy steps in front of her. 

“That’s perceptive,” Beth sarcastically responds, tilting her head at the girl. Addy was never good with explaining how she feels about anything.

“All the boys wanted to kiss you, I was afraid they’d be mad,” Addy gives a small laugh at the memory.

“I would have let them be mad,” Beth flirts softly, giving a light shrug while leaning back against the door. 

Addy suddenly finds an interest looking down at her own hands, Beth’s sure the girl’s blushing. 

“So how was..” Addy begins slowly, like she was going to engage into a topic she didn’t want to talk about. Beth knows that voice.

“Kurtz?” She maintains eye contact with Addy. “Why, jealous much?”

Addy tightens her jaw and takes another step closer, piercing her eyes at Beth. 

“I couldn’t care less, actually.” Addy was doing it again, where her words don’t match her eyes. 

“I know,” She just agrees even if she knows that wasn’t the truth. She’s starting to get used to that.

Her face tightens and keeps her strong eyes leveled with Addy’s despite the height difference. It was like two rivals on a game day, trying to instill fear on the other person. Addy doesn’t back down and she’d be a fool if she thinks Beth would.

The distracting thing is, she could just smell the alcohol lingering on Addy’s lips. She feels so compelled that she drops her gaze, losing the the battle between holding their eyes. It’s when she realizes how close Addy had stood in front of her, she didn’t even notice the girl had been taking a step closer into her the whole time since she laid her back against the door.

Beth’s fixed on Addy’s mouth, studying the way the girl tucks her bottom lip in, bitting it down. Slow and hesitant, Addy finger traces the choker necklace Beth had wrapped around her neck. 

She bites down her teeth in her closed mouth and her body trembles when Addy’s index and middle fingers brush her against the skin of her neck. 

“ _Addy_ ,” Her faint whisper fails to say her name like it’s a warning, she weakening inside. 

She was entirely sober for the most part, but in this moment she felt purely intoxicated underneath her best friend.  Addy places her opposite hand on Beth’s hip with pure caution, as if she’s testing her boundaries. Beth lets it happen, just like she’s letting Addy take another step closer into her and she notices it this time.

She closes her eyes and breathes in deeply through her nostrils, feeling Addy’s forehead lay against hers. Her lips quiver in impatience, this is what she’s been replaying in her mind for the past month. _Fuck it,_ she says in her head before bringing her hands up and pulls Addy’s face in, finally reliving how it feels to kiss Addy again. Addy’s quick to respond and tightens her grip both of Beth’s hips. 

Addy deepens the kiss while pressing her body into Beth’s making Beth’s back now completely pressed against the closet door. 

She feels something she’s never felt before, not with anyone else. Her hands slide past Addy’s shoulders and wraps around the girl’s neck. A moan escapes from her in the middle of their kiss when she feel Addy’s warm tongue meeting hers. 

Despite the intoxicated state Addy was in, Beth could just feel the girl has been longing to kiss her just as much as she was. She doesn’t think Addy’s shared a kiss like this with anyone else before, where she desired to kiss a person who had the absolute desire to kiss her back.

Beth thinks the same thing about herself. 

“Yo Addy!” 

They rip away from each other at the sound of Riri’s voice, breathing heavy and looking at each other like they were caught. 

She couldn’t control the grin across her lips and Addy mirrors her, smiling back like she couldn’t believe they did that again.

“Phone ringing!!” Riri’s voice comes closer and Addy immediately takes a couple steps back from Beth. 

_Oh Riri, to punch you in the stomach right now,_ Beth thinks to herself but reframes. Riri opens the door of her room and hands Addy the phone. “It’s your mom, good ol’ Faith Hanlon.” The girl says with her arm extended towards Addy.

“Thanks,” Addy takes her phone and places it on her ear. She meets eyes with Beth one last time before heading back downstairs.

Beth watches her walk away and Riri folds her arms.

She meets Riri’s glare and furrows her eyebrow.

“What?” _Fuck, she caught us._

“You guys were fighting again weren’t you?” Riri asked with an irritated tone in her voice. “Seriously, I don’t want you guys breaking my shit.”

She just laughs, “Riri, you idiot.”

The two begin to walk out the room. Beth follows behind Riri and turns her head over her shoulder, taking one last look at the closet door. She smiles at the memory of that night of her first kiss because even if she didn’t have Addy then, she sure as hell got her kiss now.

* * *

They both don’t address it, but denial wasn’t in the air for this time. This time it’s shy smiles, stolen glances, and checking to see if the other one is laughing when someone in the cheer squad makes a joke.

What mattered is that they shared something again even if it was in secret and that was enough for Beth in the meanwhile. 

Then the homecoming dance flashes before their eyes and Beth is forced to wake back up. They had just finished cheering at the homecoming football game and the three of them were last minute dress shopping. 

Riri went on about how Addy should tell Jordy to color coordinate because it would be “soooo cuuutee,” and Beth holding herself from throwing up in her own mouth.

She skims through the selection of dresses hanging on the display. There was one in particular that stuck out to her the most, it was a cowl moonlight velvet dress. She always thought red colors complimented Addy the most, so she takes the dress and walks back into the dressing room.

“Here,” She dully says, handing the dress to Addy. 

Addy accepts Beth’s suggestion and fades back into the dressing stall. 

“So did you find a date yet?” Riri asks Beth.

“Haven’t thought about it,” She said, reminded once again of that fact that Addy is going to be on a date with Jordy. “But I’ll find one, boys are easy.” 

“Damn right,” Riri nods.

The creak of the dressing stall door catches their attention and what they perceive in front of them is Addy in the dress. 

Beth’s eyes widen and her lips part. Addy wore it like she was destined to be in that dress, from the way it hugged her thighs and exposed her bare back. 

“Jordy will be on his knees when he sees you in that, you look so good!” Riri says with absolute heart-eyes. 

Addy chuckles lightly and tuck her hair behind her ear. 

“What do you think Beth?” Addy twirls a little bit with a new profound confidence.

She takes one more look at the dress and smiles at Addy, meeting her eyes once again. 

“Beautiful,” Beth meaningfully says, but she doesn’t mean it solely about the dress. 

Addy tucks a falling strand of her hair behind her ear and smiles at the ground, Beth thinks the girl knows that.

* * *

She was resplendent in a dark green and black dress with lace that teased anyone who looked her way. Jackson Marchetti is her date of the night and he goes on about swimming and wanting to take her out more, to be something more than a fuck. Beth doesn’t listen, her mind wanders off to the dance and Addy’s whereabouts. _And did Jordy color coordinate?_

They pregame a whole 40 before stepping down from the vehicle and make their way into the gymnasium where the dance was being held. He has her close to his hip and grips the side of her into him, like she’s supposed to be his territory. 

_How condescending is this?_ She scoffs in her head and creates a distance between them. She sees Riri with the same guy they met at the last party of the summer as her date. Beth’s impressed that Riri managed to keep a guy on more than one occasion. 

“Where’s…” She starts to ask and Riri had to already know the rest of that question because the girl points behind Beth to answer it.

She looks over her shoulder and see Addy flaunting inside the gym. There’s domination in the way Addy sauntered in the dress, Beth feels the need to close her mouth to prevent her jaw from falling to the ground. Addy’s eyes were lost, it was like she was a child searching her parent in a big crowd.

Then Addy finds Beth and just like a child, Addy gravitates towards her.

The closer Addy traverses to her, Jordy appears in a dark blue suit by her side. Riri and Beth share a look at the corner of their eyes, equally judging the boy.

Jordy greets them and gives Jackson a handshake that goes into a pat on the back, the typical way boys greet. 

“A blue suit, huh?” Beth says, half teasing and insulting. She folds her arms, looking at Jordy up and down. 

“He tried to get me to wear blue after seeing this dress thinking I would change my mind after he gets that suit,” Addy laughs and Riri does as well, all while Beth glares at him. 

He doesn’t dare to meet her eyes. 

* * *

The night continues on and if it wasn’t for the flasks she and Riri had both snuck inside, she doesn’t think she would able to to survive this damn dance as long as she is right now. Their dates scatter off and dance with the other boys, creating dance battles amongst themselves. On the other hand, Jordy kept Addy with him the entire time. It makes Beth sick. 

“Are you okay?” Riri asks, sneaking a sip from her vodka filled flask.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Beth flatly says with a half smile, lifting the flask to her lips. She drinks like she isn’t afraid to be caught and truth is, she isn’t. At least then the night will end sooner. 

She gets up and within the first step, the alcohol ignited throughout her whole body. She smiles at the buzzed stage and continue to walk over to the restroom. 

A flame burns inside of her now loose mind. Nothing sounds better than just leaving or fast forwarding time where she’ll be at the afterparty instead of this damn dance seeing Addy fading away from her with someone else. 

She closes the door of the stall she locks herself in, downing the rest of vodka in one go. After stuffing the flask away in her purse, she walks out of the stall and sees Addy. 

“Hey.” 

She waves at her best friend and slightly loses balance, but Addy holds her up.

“You okay?” Addy asks and Beth pushes herself off of Addy, stubbornly wanting to handle her sudden buzz herself.

“I’m fine,” She stands her ground. 

She hated being helped, it makes her feel weak. Last week in practice, Tacy came falling down at Beth who catches her with her shoulder. The same shoulder she dislocated when they were freshmen at a cheer meet. In the locker room, she winced at the movement of trying to get her jacket on. Addy tried to assist but she rejected, angry at the fact that Colette had Tacy’s chicken legged ass practicing top girl stunts to even begin with.

“What’s wrong?”

Beth rolls her eyes from Addy and that dumbass question, Addy should know what’s wrong. She clenches her jaw and looks down at her hands. She focuses on her hamsa bracelet that wrapped around her right wrist. The hamsa hand symbolized protection from all evils. She takes the bracelet off of herself and pulls Addy’s right wrist into her.

“Your hamsa bracelet?” Addy’s voice pitches high in question.

She clasps the lock of the bracelet, making the possession Addy’s now.

“Just in case he tries anything stupid,” Beth keeps her voice aloof and her exterior tough. She hates seeming soft, especially in public. 

Like always, Addy sees through it and pulls Beth into a hug. She was taken off guard by the sudden affection but brings her arms up and hugs back. 

_I’m still waiting, Addy,_ she says in her head.

When they let go, Addy takes her hand. “Come on, let’s make this night fun.”

Beth gives her a sorry look, “I just killed the flask.”

Addy tilts her head and chuckles, “I’m sure Riri has more.”

And Riri does. Addy drink enough to get a nice buzz and the alcohol had settled in Beth at a comfortable state to let loose of her hatred for school dances. The three of them spend a good portion of the dance together with a couple more girls from the squad, forgetting they even had dates to begin with. 

Jordy tries his best to not be forgotten and slides his way next to Addy, hands on her hips. Beth tries her best not to notice, trying to contain the jealousy spreading through her veins. 

The night edged to its final hour and just like all the corny dances, they end with a fucking slow dance. She doesn’t even realize Jackson glued to her side until he takes her hand and places it on the crook of his neck. Addy was about two or three couples away from her field of vision, she sees Jordy with his hands on her hips. 

They sway slowly, almost in circles. All she could see is Addy even in through the height of Jackson. She meets Addy’s eyes and could see the guilt filled inside of them, it’s almost like she feels the girl apologizing to her from afar. 

The slow dance continues and she thinks back to the last time she danced with Addy. It was that party of _that_ night, she could just feel Addy’s face buried in her neck thinking back at the memory. Now it is Jordy pressing the side of his head against Addy’s, trying to get the girl to do that same thing to him that she has always done with Beth.

Then it hit her. 

This was the moment they’ve been “practicing” for since they were little girls. All the moments where they stepped on each other’s feet and pretended to be the “boy” or the “girl” of the dance, this was now the _real_ thing. 

She glances at Jackson, who is already looking at her. He drops his eyes down at her lips and leans forward. This was the real dance Addy had always fantasized to Beth about, swaying hips and a gentle kiss. 

Jackson barely brushes his lips against hers before Beth steps back. This was a part of her that Addy owned and she didn’t want anyone to take it away from her. 

“Did I do something?” He asks with apologetic eyes.

She doesn’t say anything and she loses the sight of Addy in the crowd. 

Her scoping eyes finally land on the girl and she feels her heart sink deep down into her stomach. 

Addy had her lips sealed in with Jordy Brennan. 

She stands, frozen. The pain crippled throughout her body and worse, her throat. Everything in her wants to be able to shout across the gym and tell him to get the fuck away from Addy but _she can’t_. That’s the pissy thing about wanting the best for who you love, even if that means letting them go. 

* * *

She leaves the dance early without saying a word to anyone, not even Jackson. The marines were having a hotel party and Kurtz had invited her. He encourages her to invite the cheer squad so his boys and her girls can get “properly” acquainted. 

She knows it’s bullshit but she’s spiraling out of control with all the rage in her blood all because of one dance. _But it wasn’t just one dance,_ she reflects back to herself. It was losing Addy, the one that can balance her, and all she could do is watch. This whole waiting game she’s endured was just a waste of time. 

_Addy (9:47pm): wya?_

_Addy (10:04pm): your date is looking for you ._

_Sounds aggressive,_ Beth reacts, _is my date looking for me or are you, Addy?_

_Addy (10:15pm): helllooo_

_Addy (10:20pm): beth seriously? you keep your read receipts on too ya know_

She leans against the wall and rereads all the messages that Addy sent her and slides out of it, opening a message bubble to Riri instead. _Comfort Inn Habor. Bring our girls, its recruiting night,_ her thumbs taps across the keyboard and presses the send button.

“Want to make tonight interesting?” 

Her eyes drop down to Kurtz’ palm, seeing a pink pill that had the word “Supreme” across of it. He takes his butterfly knife out of his pocket and cuts it in half. 

“Not worried about a drug test?” Beth raises an eyebrow, pinching half the pill from his palm into her index and thumb. She uses her opposite hand to take swig from the bottle of vodka, feeling the burn slide down her throat.

“I have my ways,” He nudges Beth and looks down at the pill. 

She thinks about what Addy would have said in this situation.

“ _Beth, no.”_

She shakes her head and takes a final look at the happy little pill. 

_Beth, yes._

* * *

“ _Focus on happy emotions and you’ll feel every bit of it,”_ Kurtz told her that at one point of the night before the alcohol settled into her blood along with the peak of the drug. Everything radiated beautifully through the lens of her eyes even the people around her.

She’s done her fair share of experimenting, there was weed and adderall but nothing compared to this. Her heart fluttered in a way that dismissed the feeling of her heart ever being broken in her whole life. For once the weight of her parents divorce lifted away from her from along with seeing Addy being with Jordy tonight. 

The focus was on the flashing LED lights around the room, she could just feel it on her skin. She shined and smiled hard, feeling absolute complete serendipity.

More people arrive to the party but she’s so far from the door that she couldn’t make out who it was. Kurtz was in front of her, his face hovering down at hers but she became fixated at the figures walking in. Wondering and hoping if it was her girls showing up.

From across the room, she finally sees _her_

In the fleeting moment when Addy catches her eyes, Beth could feel the worry that Addy had for her. She takes one step around Kurtz, gravitating towards Addy like the way Addy did when she was lost but found her in the gymnasium earlier. 

She was barely able to take another step before Kurtz grasps his large clammy hands into her wrist and leads her in the bathroom, closing the door behind them. The last thing she sees is Addy’s discomposed face before what displayed in front of her was Kurtz now eagerly kissing her. He lifts her onto the bathroom sink counter, locking her hips with his bare hands.

She pushes him off but he doesn’t budge. 

_“And be careful, same thing goes for being in a bad headspace..”_ The warning words of Kurtz about the drug echoed in her head. He was right, everything she would be feeling stimulated differently because all her emotions clashed inside of her _massively_.

Discomfort and frustration raged through her veins as she digs her nails into his shoulder, attempting to push him off of her another time. 

“Stop!” She finally yells, but he had her hands tight. She’s never felt so trapped in her whole life. 

Almost immediately at the sound of her voice, the bathroom door flings open and the first person she sees was Addy. 

“Get the _fuck_ off of her!” Addy growls and lunges herself at Kurtz, punching him in the nose.

He steps back, holding his nose and see the blood drip down. “ _Bitch_!” He shouts and the PFC quickly pushes his way into the bathroom and holds Kurtz back.

“Stand down Kurtz, they’re _little_ ass girls! _”_ The PFC says with a demeaning tone, trying to calm Kurtz down. 

_Like we’re some fucking kids??_ She grinds her teeth, ready to bark up an insult but Addy grips onto Beth’s hand and storms out. 

“So fucking what?!” She drunkenly howls, feeling Addy tugging her away faster. She back peddles, glaring at Kurtz and the PFC. “We’ll still kick your ass, motherfucker! _My_ _girl_ just made that asshole _bleed_!”

“Beth, relax!” Addy says in a hushed voice as she continues to guides Beth outside of the hotel room. 

On their way out though the hotel door, she sees Riri and a couple more girls from the cheer squad in pure confusion. All of them had just arrived.

“B, are you good?” Riri asks Beth while in motion. 

“Super.”

Along the way Jordy shares a confused expression while he stands by the door. “The fuck is he doing here?” She hissed and turns her head at Addy. 

Addy walks her down to the other side of the level the hotel room was at, leaning Beth against the wall and examines her neck with her hands. 

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you? What happened?” Addy pauses a beat and sharply measures her. “Beth, your eyes are dilated- _oh my god_ , did he slip you something?!"

The questions shoot at her fast, further fucking up the high and drunk she had peaking inside of her.

She pushes Addy’s hands away from her neck. “Fuck off, Addy.” She sounds fed up, _she is_ fed up. The dance repeated in her head and the image of Addy kissing Jordy.

“Oh, so _you’re_ mad at me now?” Addy lowers her eyes and folds her arms.

Beth’s heart felt bigger than it normally was, hurting more than it normally would. How was it possible that she felt like she was getting higher with every moment passing by tonight?

“Just talk to me.” Addy says, reaching out her hand to comfort Beth. “What is going on with you?” 

She rejects Addy’s hand, not wanting to feel patronized. 

“This isn’t about me, this is about _you.”_ She says, frustrated. 

Addy tilts her head. “What?”

She pierces her eyes into Addy’s. “The things you would never admit, what you do, what you want. You just smile and you smile and you stab me in the fucking heart.” Her voice breaks.

Everything she’s ever wanted to tell Addy fills in her throat without the feeling of suffocation. From the dawn of her lifetime, she’s been able to suppress her emotions but for the first time she’s edging on breaking.

“I’ve been so patient like an idiot, Addy. Thinking you were going to eventually come around and confront how you actually feel for _once_ in your life,” She continues, heart aching like a motherfucker. She kept her eyes locked with Addy’s, hoping that the girl could _feel_ everything she was saying.

She wishes she could control her intensified emotions, yet at the same time she’s doesn’t recall any other time she’s said anything aloud that mattered to her so much. 

Addy glances down at her own folded arms, bracing herself for Beth’s impassioned eye contact.

“I- I don’t know what you’re talking about-“ Addy stammered.

“Bullshit!” Beth weakly chuckles and has her right palm up in the air. 

Addy tightens her lips and glances off to the side. Beth could always tell when the girl was lying.

“You know it’s my fault for falling for it, for _you_. Again and again,” She shakes her head and feels nothing else but her heart sinking down to her stomach again. “And you were _never_ going to choose me,” Her voice breaks with tears beginning to flood in her eyes. 

She aggressively blinks them away, not wanting to show any type of weakness but damn this drug for weakening her tough exterior.

“You know I always choose you,” Addy pleads, regarding the history of their friendship. 

“No.. not like _that_ ,” She hesitates and steps closer into Addy. “Are we just going to pretend forever? I know you remember.”

Addy tucks her lips in before she opens her mouth, Beth waits for her to say something. Anything.

Addy takes a deep breath in, “Wha-“

“You guys okay?”

They turn their heads at the source of the interrupting voice and it was Jordy. Lost puppy eyed fucking Jordy Brennan.

Beth averts her eyes and faces the ground.

“Forget it,” She scoffs and begins to walk away. 

“Where are you going?” Addy reaches for her arm gently to stop her tracks.

“Home.” Beth flatly said.

“Beth your jeep isn’t here, how are you going to do that?” Addy with another damn question, it agitates Beth.

“Lyft.” She takes her phone out of her purse and opens the app, feeling Addy watching her, “I’ll be fine.” She reassures her as she finalizes the arrangements for a driver to pick her up. ‘ _Your driver is less than 1 minute away.'_ That’s the beauty of Saturday nights, a driver is always ready.

Addy shuts her lips again, not knowing what to say. 

Guilt shoots up in her when she glances at Jordy lingering in the background. 

“Beth-“

“You don’t have to say anything Addy,” She cuts Addy off, feeling empty. “You never do anyways.”

Addy swallows a lump in her throat.

“What if I _lose you_?”

And there it was, Addy’s first meaningful question of the night. 

Her phone buzzes, it was a notification from the Lyft app. The driver was waiting.

“Don’t let him do anything stupid tonight,” She glances down at the hamsa bracelet before turning her back away from Addy. She walks away and right passed Jordy, stomping down the stairs. 

She opens the car door, “ _Elizabeth Ann?”_

She nods and slides into the backseat, shutting her eyes. Hoping if she closes them long enough, then maybe this night will become nonexistent. Maybe it had all been just a dream, like Addy never had her arms around Jordy and like Kurtz didn’t almost take complete advantage of her. She sinks into the seat that way until she reaches her house.

* * *

Her house keys weren’t in her purse because they were attached with her car keys. The set of silver she did not have with her all night. She knocks furiously on the front door and it’s so late, her mom doesn’t hear any sound of it. The woman probably knocked herself out with her daily night cap of melatonin.

She pulls out her phone from her purse just to see the a black screen. The battery had dead sometime during that car ride. 

She still felt every bit of intoxicated and high, resulting her to impulsively chuck her phone at the front door and shattering its screen.

Her dad was just across the street and she considers making a ruckus over there but her pride stood too tall to ever step in that direction. _Fuck that,_ she thinks, sitting herself down on the front steps of her house feeling everything weaken inside of her. Her head rest against her knees and she begins to sob uncontrollably.

No one was around her to make her feel weak, it was just her and the empty night. She wipes away the mascara that melted into her cheek along with the stream of tears. She doesn’t remember the last time she’s ever cried this hard- cried to even begin with.

She sits there bored and sleepy for at least fifteen minutes before flashing lights of blue and red stood distantly in front of her. 

“Beth?” The familiar voice spoke from a dark figure, holding a flashlight upon her. 

“Faith?” She furrows her eyebrows. _Addy’s mom. Great ._

“Baby, what are you doing out here?” Faith lowers the flashlight and helps Beth up on her feet. 

“I got locked out,” She tries her best to seem sober, but she’s sure Faith can see passed it.

“Where’s Addy?” The question comes out fierce.

“Sleeping over at Riri’s,” She lies calmly, “I just got home from a party.” _It’s only half true,_ she tells herself. 

Faith measures her and sighs, Beth’s sure she could smell the alcohol reeked on her. She’s mentally preparing for the Faith was going to lecture her like the last time she was caught in summer. 

“Come on.” Faith says, having her hand on Beth’s back and leading her to the car.

“What? Where are-“

“You must be _completely_ drunk if you think I’m going to let you spend the night on your front steps,” Faith said with a tone Beth knows she can’t fight. “You’re sleeping on Addy’s bed tonight while she’s at the Curtis’s.”

Beth shuts her eyes for a moment at the turn of events, _how fucking great._

* * *

The next morning she wakes up to a sore jaw and a throbbing headache. She squints at the time, it was four in the morning. Barely five hours since she was at the front steps of her house before Faith picked her up, she doesn’t remember anything after that. She looks down and finds an arm’s dead weight across her waist. 

She turns from her side and lays on her back, realizing she was nestled inside of Addy’s body. In pure confusion, she checks underneath the covers to make sure both their clothes were on. _Okay, so we didn’t have drunk sex.._ Beth raises an eyebrow when she sees both of them fully clothed underneath. To her surprise, she wasn’t in her dress that she had on last night but in Addy’s tee shirt and sweats. 

She slides from Addy’s hold but fails to keep Addy from waking up at the movement. 

“Beth?” The girl wakes up in a tired voice.

She sits up. “Addy…” Beth doesn’t know what to say, she hardly even understands what’s happening. “When did I..” She looks down at herself, knowing Addy would answer the rest of the question.

“My mom called me saying she found you locked out of your house when she was on a shift,” Addy starts, propping herself up on the bed beside Beth.

“Oh,” She nods.

“While you were sleeping you kept muttering about how uncomfortable you were in that dress so I helped you out of it,” Addy says pointing at the shirt. “It’s inside out but it managed.” The girl laughs softy. 

It felt like summer again, where they rotated taking care of each other when one was too drunk and always made sure they slept in comfortable clothing before completely going off to sleep.

Beth smiles back weakly. 

“Beth, do you want to talk about-”

“I’m fine, Addy.” She cuts her off. All of it came back to her quick; the ecstasy, Kurtz, _telling_ Addy how she felt. 

Addy just sighs, her hands fidgeting each other. 

She’s reminded of Jordy when she stares at the hamsa bracelet still around Addy’s wrist.

“So, did you _fuck_ Brennan?” She blatantly asks, feeling jealousy return inside of her chest. _Did you lose it to him, Addy? Did you hand him over your first?_

“No.”

She looks into Addy’s eyes, making sure the girl wasn’t lying. 

And Addy wasn’t. 

“I had him take me home once I found out you were here.” Addy adds.

Beth just nods, but another question came to thought. It was worse than the idea of Addy having sex with him. “Do you have _feelings_ for him?”

“Beth no,” Addy’s quick to cringe, setting her hands flat on her lap. “I don’t care about anyone else but-“

She watches Addy stopping herself. 

“But what?”

Addy bites down her inner lip and glances up at the window, “Cheer. I just want to focus on _cheer_ and how we well we do at regionals.” 

_There it was again_ , Beth analyzes. The inconsistency between Addy’s words and eyes. However Beth felt exhausted in every emotional and physical way to even attempt to rebuttal the things Addy says. She knows the truth, she had always known. It’s been clear to her since after that night in summer, when everything became so clear to her.

“I love you,” She sighs, feeling like she’s admitted it for the millionth time since that night in summer without saying the exact words.

They’ve said those three words to each other countless of times since they were younger but this time was different, she feels Addy understanding that. She lays back down in the bed beside Addy, nestling herself back in the body of her best friend.

She continues, “You don’t have to say anything right now, not until you’re ready to.” _And I’ll be here waiting, like always. Even when I don’t want to._ “I know you will.” Beth adds as a whisper.

“And you know everything?” Addy’s voice light, innocent.

“I know _you_ , Addy,” She says staring into the abyss of the room, “Better than you ever could. You’ve never been able to look at anything about yourself. You count on me to do it for you.” _Like always._

Like that time in cheer camp when she saw the way Casey Jaye preyed on Addy, making the girl feel like she was the best one on the squad. All while talking shit behind Addy’s back. Beth saw through it all and it almost strained their friendship completely when she tried to open Addy’s eyes but she caught Casey in the act. She pulled out her phone right in time to record Casey's the locker room shit talk. She had shown to Addy right after shoving Casey into the locker and nearly breaking her toes by stomping the heel of her foot down on it. 

The next thing she knows Addy was back at the bunk she left vacant next to Beth, apologizing to her. Later past midnight, Addy slipped out of her bunk and into Beth’s. Both stayed awake quietly, just holding each other. This was Addy’s way of thanking Beth. Always through her actions, barely with her words.

Now Addy doesn’t say anything but nods, accepting Beth’s proposal. The girl lays back down comfortably and slides her arm past Beth’s waist to the same place it was all night, drawing Beth in close. 

They fall back asleep like that. 

* * *

Two days after the night of the hotel party, they put it past them. Beth had it all floating around her mind, but this was now time for Regionals. Addy had been waiting for this all year and Beth wasn't going to take it away from her.

“Regionals, here we fucking come!” Beth howls and the whole squad slaps around the seats and windows of the bus. On any other occasion Coach would usually quiet them down, but she lets the squad’s excitement take control as all the girls settle inside the bus. 

“ _Heeey_ _Eagle it up!!_ ” Addy starts a chant and the whole squad follows as she takes lead, “ _Heeey eagles! You know what to do!"_ Beth, smiling at her, knows Addy is ecstatic. She bangs her hands against the window, igniting the energy in the bus to skyrocket.

When everybody fully walks into the bus, Coach calms it all down. Some spent their first moments in the bus taking selfies and snapchats and some excitingly talk amongst themselves about going to regionals, about even _making_ it this far. 

Beth hops down from the head rest of the bus seat and slides next to Addy. Addy lays her head on Beth’s shoulder and Beth rests her head on top of Addy’s, pressing her lips against Addy’s forehead just before doing so. They're getting better at pretending like there wasn't this massive elephant in the room of their friendship and Beth endures through it. 

“I can’t believe it,” Addy awes.

Beth looks out the window, watching the streets pass by as they enter onto the freeway.

“We happy few, band of bitches.” 

* * *

The hotel they were staying at was marvelous but it wasn’t anything new to Beth and Addy. Since PeeDee days, they’ve been invited at special cheer meets that Beth’s dad would arrange for them. It’s why they’re the best on the squad, all that extra time on the mat, abusing their bodies and stretching their tight muscles over and over again for hours. Tacy would come, but even then she was too weak to grasp the skill of the older girls around her. 

They were not just formidable in front of their whole school, but also to the squad. There was never any questions asked when Beth and Addy would tell the girls to do anything. Maybe some rebuttals from Riri, but the girl always ended up following orders anyway. 

It’s why Tanya and Sierra turn over their room keys to them. It was tradition by now, where the captain and lieutenant would keep a room to theirselves and get drunk together the night before a meet.

Beth, Addy, Riri, and Brianna analyze around the hotel lobby at their competition. Cheerleaders crawled everywhere in different colors stretching each other’s hamstring, braiding each other’s hair, and gossiping about other squads.

Brianna just folds her arms and tilts her head.

“Retro 80’s are so 2017,” She says, just a couple feet apart from the bright neon colored cheerleaders she was referring to. 

Brianna wasn’t afraid to be caught talking her shit, Beth had taught her that.

“Well you know,” Addy starts, placing her hand on her hip. “Obviously they’re worried about road safety.” The girl sarcastically says and points.

"Oh, right," Brianna agrees.

The two cheerleaders were offended but all they did was glare at them before walking off. Beth and Riri share a laugh, _Lieutenant Addy back at it._

To further kick off their arrival at Regionals, the squad walks down to see the other cheer squads perform. Following behind the squad, Beth watches Addy stand next to Coach. Addy had always admired Colette’s shitty bathroom sign type of advice and Beth felt a sting in her chest rise up once again. 

At this point she was getting tired of being jealous all the time. Thankfully the buzzing of her phone interrupted her thoughts, it was her mother calling her. 

Before she even had the chance to say hello, her mom went on about how she was there in Cleveland to watch her perform at 'States.'

“Regionals,” Beth corrects. “This is regionals, mom.”

“Baby, tomayto, tomahto, potato- whatever. I’m just proud of you,” Her mom says happily. 

Beth gives up a smile at her mom’s peppy voice. 

“Come have dinner with your old sad mom after you kill it tomorrow night and we can have you back to your squad before lights out.” If there was one other person that knew of her soft spots other than Addy, it was her own mother.

“Fine.”

* * *

Later that night, Riri and Brianna spend the night in the Beth and Addy’s room. They sat in a circle together and reminisced about their high school experience. 

“I can’t believe we’re graduating this year,” Riri awes.

Normally Beth would kick Riri and Brianna out because she wanted to keep the room for herself and Addy but she lets them stay this time. Plus, Brianna is the one that sneaked a bottle of wine to share around. Maybe this is a good thing, Beth thinks, maybe being alone with Addy the night before their performance would just cloud her state of mind. 

She refills her glass with the wine, feeling classy as she takes another sip.

“Then we’re off to god knows what,” Brianna said. 

“Maybe prison,” Beth jokes, turning to Addy. “I still want that teardrop tattoo beneath one eye.” 

Addy laughs, “And then we'll shave our heads.”

Riri grins and rolls her eyes to Brianna, “Look at them. The perfect prison wives.”

Beth kicks Riri’s leg. 

* * *

They were all asleep early, except for Beth. Riri and Brianna shared one bed while Addy laid on the other. There was something uneasy sitting in Beth. She thinks back at the night before, she could still feel the headache from the night before. She takes a look at Addy sleeping so peacefully, giving her another smile left unseen. 

The sound of Addy’s phone buzzes and she turns her attention at the screen. She doesn’t pick up the phone, but she hovers over it just enough to read the notification. 

_Coach (10:32pm): Make sure you sit the sauna after tomorrow’s performance. Let me know if you don’t know how to work the steam_

She clenches her jaw tight, annoyed at the world once again.

* * *

“You should totally have dinner with your mom after tonight,” Addy says. “I mean, how often does she ever come out of these things? Isn’t sunlight fatal to her?” The girl adds a laugh as she adjust her fake eyelash on her eyelid in front of the mirror.

The whole squad crammed in the dressing room, just moments away from their most anticipated performance of the year. 

“She must have summoned new powers,” Beth says, tightening the bow on her head.

“I think you’ll have a good time,” Addy encourages. 

She furrows her eyebrow, remembering the text Coach had sent Addy. “Trying to get rid of me, Hanlon?” 

“You’re not missing out on anything,” Addy says then points at Riri and Brianna. “Riri and Bri, hustling rum and coke and potato skins off of horny business travelers? It’s _very_ exciting.” She adds, unamused. 

Beth lays her elbow on the counter by the mirror and rests her chin on it. 

“Is that what you’re going to do?” She adjusts herself, “Or are you going to have a slumber party powwow with Coach Colette French?” Her right eyebrow raises.

Addy turns her body facing towards Beth and sighs. Beth could see how annoyed she makes Addy whenever it’s about Coach, but she doesn’t have a filter when it comes it or anything really.

“No powwows,” Addy keeps her eyes leveled with Beth. 

“Mhm.”

“Let’s hangout when you get back,” Addy in a gentle tone, hitting the soft spot Beth has for her. 

“Just you and me?”

“Just you and me.”

They hold their eyes on each other longer until the roaring sound of Coach’s voice. This was her pregame talk at it’s peak, _I want to see the warriors that’s been practicing day in and day out._ You _deserved this. This isn’t just dancing or shaking asses. This is what we’ve been working towards for months. Keep your eye on your girl. If she falls, we all fall._ The squad says listens carefully to Coach but Beth can’t peel her eyes from Addy. 

Something in her just knows that Addy will be at the sauna tonight with Coach instead of her and she’s never wrong. 

* * *

They absolutely kill it, it even almost surprises Beth on how well they all did together because she was sure Tacy was going to throw up from being so nervous, thus fucking up the whole thing like she did at a cheer meet last year. The moment they all cheer and jumped together was when they see _Sutton Grove_ _High School_ clench the number one spot on the top five chart. 

“Holy shit,” Riri couldn’t believe it and goes around the squad cheering happily with everyone. 

_"They’ve never been on top before. When you see how it is from up there you know you could never go back. There’s no going back."_ She told that to Riri’s mom once when they talked about the ones who try and just feel happy standing by mediocracy. Beth’s has been on top her whole life, this was just another winning. 

Dinner with her parents was going well, for once it felt like she had her family back. That was of course before Bert received a phone call from his drunk bastard daughter to save her. Her mother was hurt, but not surprised. In spite of the turn of events, her mother filled the bill for Bert to pay by purchasing a round of drinks for everyone in the room. “ _The most expensive one, please.”_

Beth shakes her head, “I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t ask for any of this.” 

She walks off, disappointed yet again by her father and what hurt the most is that she knew she would be coming back to her hotel room _alone_. The dinner did not last long at all so Addy had to be with Coach still and it makes her fold inside. 

* * *

She has her head down as takes her key card from her pocket. There was nothing more that she wanted to do but lay down, give up on everything. 

“Hey.”

Her head springs up at the familiar voice, at _Addy’s_ voice. She looks up to see Addy laid down on the bed in pajama’s with her laptop in front of her. The girl was rewatching _Cheer_ on Netflix.

“Addy? What are you doing here?”

Addy furrows her eyebrow in confusion. “I was waiting up for you.” 

Beth has watched Addy swoon over Coach for months now and she wasn’t getting hot and sweaty with her? She was sure Addy would be there with Coach, she had always known Addy’s moves. 

“Thought you were going to get all half naked with your girlfriend at the sauna room tonight?” She doesn’t give it a second thought when she blurts it.

Addy stands up from the bed and walks towards Beth. “So you’re reading my texts now?” _Caught._

Beth sighs, maybe she could have gone away without Addy knowing that. She just couldn’t help controlling the things she says. 

“I couldn’t sleep last night and I noticed her text on your screen, that was it.” She said, feeling guilty. “Why aren’t you with her, Addy?” Her voice breaks quietly.

The anger of her father leaving her tonight lingered inside of her and she was so sure Addy wouldn’t be here, so why not push her away?

“Why does it matter, Beth? I’m here, aren’t I?” Addy asks. 

“It does matter!” Beth raises her voice. “Bert left tonight without an explanation, we had to hear it from our waitress that he was cleaning up Tacy’s mess and then my mom didn't want to leave the restaurant and she's _still_ running up his bill, and you..“ She pauses a beat. “It still feels like you’re the next one in line to just leave me all alone.”

Her vulnerability was becoming clear to Addy, Beth could see it. Back then when her parents got divorced, she pushed Addy away but Addy persisted and stayed by her side. It felt like that again.

Addy softens and steps closer to Beth, reaching out her arm and Beth doesn’t push the gesture away this time. 

“Why aren’t you with her?” She repeats, staring down at the ground. 

It was almost like she was telling Addy to go and leave, but  Addy simply picks her chin up and meets her in the eyes.

“She isn’t you.”

Beth stares back in Addy, trying to read the girl in front of her but she was stuck. _What do you mean?_ The words stop in her throat and she relaxes her shoulders. She’s never felt this vulnerable in front of Addy.

Addy breaks their eye contact and leans forward, but Beth hesitates. “You’re drunk again, aren’t you?” She says with her voice small, hurt that Addy is doing this again. 

“No,” Addy says, placing her hands on Beth’s hips. “This is all me.”

She takes it in quick, the fact that Addy was conscious in front of her and this wasn't a drunk decision. There was no alcohol to blame anything on.

Addy pulls her in, leaving no space in between their bodies, their lips. Beth deepens the kiss, feeling tears flooding in her eyes. This was the moment she had been waiting for, this was Addy finally making her move. They don’t stop this time to check each other’s reaction, instead they kissed like they hungered for it. Beth has been hungering for a long time now.

Beth doesn’t break the kiss, hell she doesn’t even want to- not even for a second. She steps forward, causing Addy to back peddle into the bed. She keeps her lips sealed with Addy, as she kicks off the shoes she had on. Addy lays back flat and Beth tops her with her right leg in between Addy's. 

She breaks the kiss only to begin tasting Addy’s neck, leaving a trail of kisses all over her. Addy trembles at the touch, it takes her back to summer. 

The kiss grows heated with every second that passes by. Addy moans inside of her mouth when Beth hips grind against hers. The girl slides her hands underneath Beth's shirt, letting her hands travel around the back of Beth's bare skin. 

“Can I take this..” Addy asks shyly, tugging Beth’s shirt. Beth smiles hard at Addy. She’s never been asked that, she’s never been asked anything. All the boys she’s been with didn’t care, but Addy does. Addy was tender, shy, and _inexperienced._

She lifts the shirt over her head and Addy gazes up at her before pulling her back down to kiss her. With boys, she was always the one to guide them and teach them the workings of her body and even then they don’t make her cum the way she hoped to. Everything in her just wanted to make Addy feel good, she wanted to perform her teaching ways into this moment. Except she would be the one giving it to Addy.

She pulls Addy's shirt over her head and kisses Addy's neck. She takes her time with Addy, she wants to feel and taste every part of her. There wasn't a time that she could compare this moment to because none of them mattered enough. None of them were Addy.

With each moment passing and their bodies tangling each other in the sheets, they fully unclothed each other. 

She lets Addy place her mouth at every inch of her body and feel her like she was something so sacred. That’s how Addy made her feel, like she was the only thing that mattered. 

“Are you okay with this?” She whispers with her fingers fondling on Addy’s lower stomach, daring to move lower.

“Mhm.”

“Stop me whenever you want.” She says, with pure caution that this was Addy’s first time.

Addy bites her bottom lip down and immediately stifles a moan when she feels Beth’s fingers inside of her. 

Beth takes control and feels Addy pulsating in her fingers at each movement. She places her lips around Addy’s nipples, biting and sucking on them while fingering the girl. Addy grips her hair with her mouth on Beth’s ear, breathing and moaning hard. Beth kisses down to Addy’s stomach and begins doing unholy things with her mouth inside of Addy’s clit. 

Addy curses while she rides Beth’s face, giving Beth every part of her. 

* * *

They jolt up with the sound of someone banging their hotel door. She turns her head to look up at Addy who is looking at her back, both naked underneath the sheets. 

“Cassidy, Hanlon! Wake up, bus is here!!” Riri’s voice distant but loud and clear. 

_Very_ loud and clear that Beth wants go straight to the door and stomp on Riri's for even waking them up. 

They share a laugh and continue to lay down, not even moving an inch. Addy had Beth nestled inside of her, being the bigger spoon like always.

“Forget anything from last night, Addy?” She tucks her lips in, afraid Addy will give some sort of excuse once again. “Or do I need to jog your memory?” She lifts up the sheets and peaks inside of it, softly gripping her hand on Addy’s thigh.

“Stop,” Addy laughs softly. 

Beth sinks into that sound.

“You don’t regret anything, do you?” Beth hates how insecure she sounds. It’s just been harder to read Addy. _Could be the comedown,_ she thinks.

Addy takes her fingers and traces it along Beth’s shoulder. 

“Not one bit,” Addy says. 

She drops her gaze onto Addy's mouth, taking her thumb and tracing the bottom lip in front of her softly. She leans in slowly, eager to taste the morning on Addy’s lips. 

“Wake y’all asses up! We’re all waiting on you guys!” Riri’s voice interrupts again, startling Addy back.

Beth sits up and glares at the door, purely annoyed. 

“Riri, shut the fuck up!! We heard your loud ass the first-”

Addy pulls her back from shouting and wraps her back arms around Beth, covering her mouth.

“The first fucking time!!!” Beth manages to yell through Addy’s hand.

“Beth, relax,” Addy laughs harder and pulls her in for kiss. There Addy goes again, being damn near Beth’s whole impulse control. 

They embraced into a long kiss, Beth was growing used to Addy's tongue against hers. After continuously making out for another long two minutes, Addy has to stop Beth from convincing her for a quickie. “Come on, I’ll get you over with before you know it,” Beth tries but Addy rolls out of bed.

They toss each other their clothes from the ground and neither of them can resist the smiling glowing on their faces.

“So, I need to tell you something,” Addy says and it sounded serious. 

Beth pulls down the shirt from her head and listens, waiting for Addy to say what on her mind.

“I..” Addy starts slow, “I didn’t forget what we did the last night in summer.” Finally, the confession. Already proving what Beth had known all this time, that Addy lied this whole time.

“I know,” She simply says.

“You.. know?” Addy raises an eyebrow.

“Addy, I’ve known you long enough to see through the shit you say.” Beth chuckles. 

It's how they work, it's how they always worked.

“Well, I thought I was convincing,” Addy lifts her shoulders up into a shrug. 

Beth looks at her, pokerfaced.

“You burned yourself with a straightener, Addy? Really? A _fucking_ straightener?!” She raises her voice at the foolishness and Addy rushed over to cover her mouth again.

“Shut up!”

Addy laughs hard and Beth licks her hand. Addy rolls her eyes and releases Beth to unleash more noise. “You couldn’t even fool _Riri_ out of all people!!”

Their laughter fades and Addy just looks at Beth, making Beth blush- and she doesn’t ever blush. 

“What, weirdo?” She tries to keep herself cool.

“All this time I didn't know how I really felt about you or about any of this, but you knew. You really do know me better than I know myself and..” Addy doesn’t look away or glance off to the side. 

Beth could read it on Addy that the girl wanted to say more, but was almost hesitant. 

She stays quiet, patiently watches Addy take a moment. _What is it, Addy?_

“I love you, Beth.” Addy says softly, letting a breath out like it was held in for too long.

Beth's eyes soften and her lips part. 

All she could read is pure honesty inside of Addy’s eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this long ass one shot, I really do appreciate feedback if you have any in mind!! 
> 
> Also, I just want to explain the way I ended the story and Beth not saying the words "I love you, too":
> 
> Throughout this whole story, Beth saw through everything Addy had to say in order to avoided confronting feelings for each other. In so many ways, Beth had expressed her love for Addy from beginning to end and through the memories of their friendship when they were younger. 
> 
> Her ways showing Addy that she had been in love with her the whole time were: constantly standing up for Addy, making sure Addy got into her house safe even if she wanted to drive off, the intense jealousy, and even spilling her hurt feelings to the girl. All the ways she showing how much she had absolutely fallen for her best friend, (and of course saying the actual words after the hotel party.) 
> 
> I felt it was necessary for the story to end with Beth just taking in Addy admitting she loved her back because all this time, she had already been showing Addy how she was in love with her. Ultimately, it was finally her turn to hear Addy say those words to her back.
> 
> Also shoutout to you if you knew what show I stole the names Nate Jacobs & Jackson Marchetti from ;)


End file.
